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If all these seas were beached,
If all I saw was lost, If all windy sails reached, Who will harbour the cost? Chill.
Gripping wounds. The endless tomb. Broken crosses. Unkept promises. Search the field, autumn rot. Here lies the sword, drenched. "Eve" a call reaches for, Heard. A short walk Ignored. Darkness, horror Broad daylight, Throat killer.
Sleeping cold grey hills, rumbling stomach
Release the rain, Open wound a manner of spite, Drooping eyes, dripping sky. Mounting darkness leaves the ground, Littered shadows to Closing trees, scrabble for shelter These games, these games, pen and paper. I tire looking for land Upon which to stand, Make my bread, duvet cover, Inner. The silence grows, Bleats and squawks as ears listen. Trembling heart, eyelids close Forget the thought, It was never yours. The third person says to self: Observe the first, just Keep your eyes on her, don’t look away Keep you eyes on her Rising. From the carbon We’re all made. At the end The day is dim, Dimming dimmer As mist becomes vaguer. And dreams dream of themselves Traps spring From set-pieces. I am finished.
I.
The great and empty beach Where stones lay unwashed; Sun burn scolds pitted face Logs leave off what is lost. II. If I had stayed, I would surely have committed suicide, It was in my mind, Like the absence of a lifeline Keeping me safe as it pulls me in. I had nobody, And nobody had me. Even now That seems not so far away, A guessing game: - How do you unwind loneliness, - Reverse the trend of solitude? “You pushed everyone away” Voices echo from the cave, You all pushed me away, A life I had to save. I did not know how to live, Their lives were theirs, Mine was mine; I was not one of them, Just one of me, All the time, All the time.
There’s this gun pointing at my head,
It’s been there for many years; Arms they never tire from aiming the barrel to the temple, that soft spot above my ears.
I've composed sins like it was a pauper's gift of emptiness. I've drawn words like they were subscribing to the field test. Nothing stands in the way but the latency of waiting. And still I perpetuate the myth. Hello to the sun, Goodbye to the night; Blind myself with the staring as though affixed with an addiction. Remember your longing. One step at a time. No one knew the cliff notes for a game worth playing. I lie in wait.
I walked the fiery darkness into my last farewell, Stealing stones from my path Bid the road goodbye. I sulked the bitterly laughter under my mask won’t tell, Ripping bonds from my heart Sacrament of life. - 04/11/2014, Gisborne |
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