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Are we all seen in bad light
To the unseen good, Trustlessness quotes From a dishonest build. The book the world wrote, So no honesty goes unpunished, The struggle to survive, Is the honest struggle to lie.
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  If all these seas were beached,
If all I saw was lost, If all windy sails reached, Who will harbour the cost? Sleeping cold grey hills, rumbling stomach
Release the rain, Open wound a manner of spite, Drooping eyes, dripping sky. Mounting darkness leaves the ground, Littered shadows to Closing trees, scrabble for shelter These games, these games, pen and paper. I tire looking for land Upon which to stand, Make my bread, duvet cover, Inner. The silence grows, Bleats and squawks as ears listen. Trembling heart, eyelids close Forget the thought, It was never yours. The third person says to self: Observe the first, just Keep your eyes on her, don’t look away Keep you eyes on her Rising. From the carbon We’re all made. At the end The day is dim, Dimming dimmer As mist becomes vaguer. And dreams dream of themselves Traps spring From set-pieces. I am finished.
I.
The great and empty beach Where stones lay unwashed; Sun burn scolds pitted face Logs leave off what is lost. II. If I had stayed, I would surely have committed suicide, It was in my mind, Like the absence of a lifeline Keeping me safe as it pulls me in. I had nobody, And nobody had me. Even now That seems not so far away, A guessing game: - How do you unwind loneliness, - Reverse the trend of solitude? “You pushed everyone away” Voices echo from the cave, You all pushed me away, A life I had to save. I did not know how to live, Their lives were theirs, Mine was mine; I was not one of them, Just one of me, All the time, All the time.
There’s this gun pointing at my head,
It’s been there for many years; Arms they never tire from aiming the barrel to the temple, that soft spot above my ears.
‘Coastal burn’ were the original words,
A feeling of expanse across water plains. Flatness extends to clouded skies, Struggling sun to break through. Here come the sparrows a’ pecking for grubs, A mast sleeps high. I wandered through tiredness Night shift changing the slumber posts. Manic expressions left their disease, A desire to please beyond anything seen. Ball sacks swagger between canine hinds, A nose sniffing for traces of territorial claims. I make peace with the ease Words stumble from pen, It was an exaggerated plea Got my ass rushing to seat. For I had to kill time, And sleep evaded the watch. – A Kererū comes to say hello Little mutts prance on by, One squatter a piss in the grass. Fem-sparrow checks me out, Fem-persons were never that forward. Saltwater burn an aqua blue, Light reflection a convoluted mirror. Words run dry, They always do. Saltwater never lies.
Life is fit for opportunity:
Take the seat on your own, Order the cappuccino, Order the chicken tenders, Smile and make yourself presentable Even though you didn't have a shower this morning. "Do you take sugar?" I looked at the bottle of water, The glass just poured. "Yes." She brought me sugar. Love the moment, Hate the feelings, Walk off rejection. Your hair looks good to someone, No matter how messy it fell. Friends may come, Friends may go; Friends are not the ones who leave you alone, Freeze you out, Forget how much a phone call means, How easy a phone call is to make, Place your heart on a stake. They will fade, Their influence diminish; You will start anew, A bird with greater wingspan. Order another coffee, Stay up late, Make no apologies for the past you had to live through - that is yours and yours alone. Some will never know, Some won't want to know, Some will understand, Some play the advantage of their hand. Fly, roll, run, walk, This has all been said before. Words, how they matter not, For The intent is to release the soul From its prison of thoughts.
Collected in The Tasman Jouney, ©2019, W.F. Stubbs |
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