Here I lie
in my casket of sleep, 
Unknown dreams 
Resist repeats. 

Dialogue with darkness, 
Winds in the night, 
Everything after 
Awakening memories. 

* * * 

But how long will I keep this vigil?
when tiredness slept through the evening of night,
and all that is left to inhabit
is the midnight to dawn shift . . .

of wakefulness.

        How long have you been watching?
        - Long enough to see the digital distortion. Why do you ask?
        The audio programme seems to be scrambled.
        - Is there a replacement channel?
        No. Just wind batting the palms along the street, the occasional spats of rain while blank screens leave me wondering if I will ever get back on the horse again.
        - I didn’t know you rode.
        I was being figurative.
        - Did you mean to say back on the cart, because you had fallen off?

       I am in an empty room. A painting of an empty row boat without oars hangs on the wall. The boat is moored in shallow water without a tether. It just sits there. Three palm fronds dip into the picture from the top left corner, hills across the bay beyond. The water is clear.
        I am unclear. A haze. Fog through the window.
        Ambivalence draining motivation.
        Jumping isn’t an option. Running isn’t an option. I only have floors and branches, arms and legs,
and reflections on the water.
        Clear, still water.
        There are voices in the wild, and salt on my tongue.
        Conversations down the corridor where light is hiding from the ashes.
 
        Am I my own son?
        The one, who was born again on the side of the ambivalent river; the one, who shed the umbilical cord into the water, rose again washed and fresh, and welcomed the morning sun against retired eyes?
        Time to stop looking
                  into the past;
                  into the future;
        Time to start living, as mindfulness is imparted upon the fabric of existence.

        I am, and is,
        me upon the stones,
        Dreamer who let go.
        Feather on a discerning breeze.

•  11/02/2025, 7:36 pm; Tūranganui-a-Kiwa
  

And I emerged
        from the void that is silence
        to erupt with fire
        over the horizon.

I smothered the tundra,
        creeping vines, and willow branches;
I laughed at hyenas,
        as they scattered from the ashes;
I claimed all the homes,
        and disowned the occupants;
I incinerated every treaty
        proclaiming peace and friendships,

And I returned
        from the blackened earth
        with vengeance and renewed desire
        to corrupt the liars
        hiding in the rafters,
        to have them ply their skills
        with half-truths
        for the vines to grow gullible opinions on.

Where the soft crusts will pluck their budding agreements from and nod along righteously,
Where the hardening weeds will feed their determined antagonisms through dribbling jowls.

You see,
        it was not your gardeners tending your soil for you,
        it was not your harvesters discarding rotten fruit,

It was I, bleeding into your brain
        delusions of division, chaos,
        and foolish pursuits.
        To have the lambs lie down in submission,
        To have the pack of dogs rise in retaliation,
and then to have,
        one-sided opinions flavouring the conversations,
        accusations based on hidden agendas,
        hard facts forgotten
        in exchange for soft truths comforting.

It was I all along
        with hand in the cookie jar
        laughing at every courtesy your enemy took from you,
        so that you could refill the jar with blame,
        and never see the hand that severed you from your own humanity.

This was my greatest achievement:
        To forever dissuade all from joining hands to grow peaceful prosperity.

And you all heard,
And you all listened,
And you all played a part in my raising of the lands, the destruction of temples, the raping of wives and daughters, the
murdering of fathers and brothers, the killing of your children,

While your beliefs grew, and grew, and reconfirmed all you believed you knew.

• 17/12/23; Brightwater

For you I ache and fall apart,
For you I tend these tender scars,
For you I hope the stars will shine
While I lie in dust upon the stairs.

• 12/01/22 11:14pm, Waikanae
  

Every man who feels the need to release anger or frustration as a brutal assault, or any assault, onto another's choice that they make for themselves, only serves to reveal the frailty of their own self-confidence, how shallow that self-confidence is, how indoctrinated the mental state is to relying on another person's acknowledgement or consent to please the inner desires of the self. If a person cannot receive love, gratitude and contentment through personal selfhood, and must seek this things from outside, they become slaves to the desires that demand satisfaction from outside the self.

Your inner turmoil is your own insecurities feeding the hatred you inflict on others.

Foam tides in
On coastline’s setting moon,
White on white
Haze.
Glancing light,
Dancing ripples
Blinks the eye
On pipeline’s mini tubes
Splashing,
Shushing,
Whispers, trickles
 
Footsteps reached
Standing beach
Lying leech
Wordsmith’s boots
Teach to forget
Aching knee joints
Steel caps each new step
Where the water lets
 
Wells drained
And
Seats wet.
 
 

• 30/08/18, Granity

Are we all seen in bad light
To the unseen good,
Trustlessness quotes
From a dishonest build.

The book the world wrote,
So no honesty goes unpunished,
The struggle to survive,
Is the honest struggle to lie.

​

• 07/08/18, Nelson